I took this picture of myself 8 months after my wife’s transition. I’d been working on clearing that pain out of my eyes. It’s like whitening your teeth except you do it from the inside. So today I wanted to remind you that you shouldn’t be so scared of pain. Why not? Well, because it’s educational. One of life’s greatest teachers. That is if you’re open to learning from it. Otherwise, even if you do start to appreciate pain, you may keep revisiting it. You learn to pull the lesson out through the thorns, but you may have an addiction to the pain and miss out on the beauty of the real lesson that it was offering you.
Family, I’m about to tell you some shit that some of you may not be able to relate to, but if you can, consider yourself blessed.
Have you ever been suicidal? Have you ever been ready to just off yourself? Say what the fuck is the point of all this shit? What’s the point of all this suffering and pain? Well, there’s a reason for that, right? There’s a good part to all that, right?
So you know that terrible moment? Yeah, the last one.
When you look into your own eyes, do you see the remnants of it reflected within you?
Because something came outta that. Not tears, blood, sweat, pain, or grief alone. It could have been all that, but it wasn’t JUST that. It brought something else outta you. It gave something else to you. It peeled away another layer of your onion. And you might feel like you’re still stinging but that’s the growth you’re feeling. Don’t stress about it. It’s already over.
What’s next though? Is up to you.
But it isn’t all bad! There’s a purpose to all pain. Once you find your purpose, being ready to die takes on a different meaning. It transforms your potential from another sad statistic to a martyr for a cause much bigger than yourself. One that future generations will benefit from. You dissolve yourself into the needs of humanity, letting your ego go for the sake of what’s meant to be, and give yourself up til all that’s left is God. In doing so, you go from eternal mourning to eternal life. And you ain’t gonna wanna off yourself, cause you’ll know exactly what you’re here for! You won’t have any fear cause the worst anyone can do is take your life and you don’t fear that at all! If you get it, consider yourself blessed. If you’re still deep in your mud, consider this a spark towards your awakening and eventual flight up outta that.
Wouldn’t you like to be a part of the history that shapes your grandbabies’ future?
When you’re ready to give your life for nothing and then discover something worth living your life for? Oh, man. You go all the way harder and you won’t fear death or fear loss. Because you’ve already given it all up. So you’ll be able to do the work. Then once you find your calling, you find your purpose, then you give yourself a real reason for living. And you don’t fear dying.
How do you get good at what you do though?
You study, you read, you get knowledge. That’s part of the game. That’s part of how it goes. But understand what the purpose of all that pain was. It was for you to become who you were meant to be. I found happiness after a life of pain. Almost like that’s how the story was meant to go. Cause clearly, it was. Yours too.
But you won’t find peace going anywhere if you haven’t already found your peace when going nowhere.
Like, if you hadn’t found peace when the world was on lockdown, then you must keep studying. All that darkness gives birth to something. Just stay committed to becoming whatever you’re meant to become. And it’ll come. I don’t even gotta tell you. You can get free too! Just get up and stay up. You know where you’re going. But learn to love the journey while you envision the destination.
You’re always closer than you think.