The key is to find the Peace in it. I’m realizing I was really angry for a long time, definitely when Mecca transitioned. So that’s been 7 years of me being on bad behavior. A person could be Wise, but that doesn’t mean they’re Well. Just like a person could be caring & concerned , but they might not know how to be compassionate. A dude could Want to be a hero, but he’s only been a bastard, so he’s a bastard hero. And y’all gotta learn how to have love for those kinds of characters cuz we just striving, we doing our best until we learn better. And a lot of times we don’t have nobody to teach us better than what we doing, so we just keep doing the same shxt wondering why we getting bad results, never learning another way we ain’t even realize we were doing the same shxt.
So part of it is being aware, like, “ Ah man, I know what I do , cuz I get excited.” That’s bipolar, that’s them 2 wolves just going back & forth, going from really excited to just feeling numb.
I’ve done this with so many things but I really didn’t understand how it affected my relationships, that’s important.
See a lot of people become elevated, celebrated, they become celebrities, successful, whatever; some are entrepreneurs, business owners, some work for yourselves, like me, and you isolate yourself.
Your people are still going through the rigmarole, in a rut, they looking at you like you done leveled up, and you like, “ Man, I’m still stuck in a rut my damn self, cuz I still feel like Hell.”
They may not understand the Hell you feeling, cuz it’s a different Hell. I wake up in a beautiful bed, in a beautiful house, but my home could look trashy and filthy and gross, and it was for a minute, because I was depressed and I wasn’t taking care of myself or my world. I realized that was foul because I got babies. My babies are gonna do whatever I’m doing, so they gonna have dirty rooms if I got a dirty room. They not gonna wanna clean they bathroom if I don’t clean mine. And I got girls so I don’t have the space to just be a nasty guy. I gotta level up , and as much as I may want to be in my feelings, I gotta do better than what I may want to just sit back and do.
I could sit in the house since I work for myself, I don’t gotta leave the house no more.
But again if you an entrepreneur you Gotta get out the house. My eldest going through this right now, she’s also an entrepreneur realizing she’s got to find something else to do because just sitting she’s going crazy. And you don’t make as much money by being isolated. You gotta go to events, and do things.
That might wear you out, being social, being around strangers, dealing with people who put you up on a pedestal, that’s really painful for us because when our circle changes, and people who were once close to us become distant from us because they see us as different. We never wanted the distance because we didn’t see the difference, we want them to come with us. Most of us was always tryna show our people how to get money, how to start a business, or telling them ‘Please write a book, build your career.’ But those who didn’t do it, they may not have had the conversation with themselves like, “ I definitely should have did that,” or “ I didn’t do that and I’m still good.” And that’s fine.
But the worst is when you look at somebody, let’s say I had a homeboy who might have started getting money way before me; and I do, I got plenty of homies who get way more money than me. I don’t think nothing about it, don’t think about where they fly, or with who. The only thing I think about them is ‘Are they cheating on their wives?” That’s the only thing.
I be thinking that’s foul, cuz you got what I don’t got no more. If I had my wife, man…
I didn’t cheat when I was married to her, and I wouldn’t, but I wasn’t the best man. I don’t want you to think I was a great husband, I got married when I was 26 and immediately was a step-father raising a 10 year old, I had to grow up fast. I wasn’t trained in any of this. Just like I wasn’t trained in how to be famous, or how to be successful, how to run multiple pages for multiple businesses. I ain’t get no training in none of that to be honest. Autodidact man, Self taught, or I went and found the information. I be wanting everyone to come with me but everybody can’t go with you because there’s a different journey for everybody, everybody doing something else, and the thing about respect is: you gotta respect their journey too. Realizing even if they didn’t do what I was encouraging them to do, they did Something.
Even if you did cheat in your wife, you reconcile, you grow out of it, good. Just grow and be accountable, that’s major. So I gotta be accountable and say, “ Man, I got irritable, frustrated, cantankerous, and unpleasant.”
Especially when Mecca transitioned so for 7 years, really 10, cuz while she was sick I was really on my worst. Can you imagine the fear that any day your wife could die?
Might make you value your girlfriend or baby mama a little more, or your husband. Just imagine if they dying in a few months, what would it do to you?
You’d have to find a way to live, and keep growing.